As a logical person I always laughed at the stories of love and lovers, they dint make sense to me as  I was a very logical, focused and passionate girl for my things. I found people very stupid holding each other's hand doing things in love and unconditional stuff.

As a grown up, I met companions on the way, they made me  feel strong emotion of feel loved and taken care.  They taught me how to love someone and I learned the relationships of true well-wisher, companions and attachments. I wanted them to walk on my side because they were the strong relations but they left me when their part in my story was over and they made me a better human being. I felt the pang of separation and desire to belong somewhere for sometime and moved ahead.

A little more old I started feeling like a queen and a strong independent person (Who I am still), I met so many people who wanted to go ahead with me, they were good people, they could give me a secure future, ego massager, stability, a better life etc etc. But every-time I just felt is it what I want from life?? Of course many time loss were bigger, people considered me stupid and foolish. Sometimes the societal and peer pressure forced me to think what kind of choices I am making being such a rationale and intelligent woman. But still there was something missing which stopped to jump out of the cliff and holded me back. What was that thing ? What was I searching for ?? A mind full of chaos, a life running in a rat race, illusion of materialistic desires, shallow peer group ,false sense of image and ego never allowed to reach at that deep core desire. Sometimes you need to really still and calm and patiently wait to complete the journey from your mind to your soul which goes through your heart. And yes !! it took me years to reach at that I dint have the key, misty fog surrounded the dense jungle all I could see. trying harder I saw a which light going in the crystal and soothing river of water, it was so pure and clear. Wow that I was searching for purest form of something. It was named as LOVE.

I wanted to fall in that river (LOVE)  and bathe myself in it to make my soul pure as it was.

But understanding was one thing and reaching there was another task. I remember for several days I came on that door in order to find the key, I asked people who have visited there before but none of them could help me. I started praying hey God, I want to fall in this river please allow me. I begged , borrow, steal, I got angry , frustrated , beaten the lock, cursed it, cried over it. Sam Dam Dand Bhed  but it dint open. I was tired, sometimes started finding another doors but something there was with love which attracted me to itself.

One day God answered my prayers, I realised I only had the key which I was searching for so long(jise dhoondha jamane me mujhi me tha), I was filled with gratitude I opened the door jumped off the cliff and fell in love. The feeling of love submerged all other bags (feelings) what I was carrying like  jealousy, judgement, anger, hate, confusion. It surpasses all. I deep dived into it. I felt pure as an angel , love washed everything. I  realised yes its the strongest emotion which can remove other impurities.

I was naked, transparent and pure in this water. I had no layers on m e. I was feeling light and best. Suddenly I realised I am still wearing some of my favourite shiny diamond ornaments. Wow those were looking so beautiful on me still. I was very happy. those ornaments were excitement, attachment, romance, affection, dreams, trust, beauty, marriage etc. Wow Life was so perfect bathing in love, sinking all dirty bags and just wearing your favourite lustrous jewellery. I thought this is all it.I was floating on it. I got it all.

Next moment I was not aware what is coming next, all of a sudden a storm came. OMG I dint prepare for it, I wanted to fight against it, I was angry and shocked and surprised . this storm was tearing my body and giving me pain. For a second I wanted to run away of this river of love , this was scary Gosh. But I remember how much I searched for this ultimate truth and I cant leave it now. I surrendered myself to Love again. I closed my eyes. When I opened I saw this storm took away all my beautiful ornaments. I had nothing but just love was still surrounding me. I dint know what to do next. but then I" embraced the love and showed my gratitude. Love was still there. It still made me pure like an angel, it washed my bruises. I could not hold anything but love which was answer for my prayers. This was different , but this was the truth. I took a deep breathe and felt it all over my heart and soul and embraced it till it is there and thanked God and expressed the feeling before any lenses or layers will come on my eyes further.

~~  Roohani~~